So I am new at blogging. I know this puts me way behind the curve, and although I’d love to include a former collection of mellow-dramatic “poems” within my blogging repertoire I am going to call this day 1.
What brings me here? Several years of thinking I should be writing about some of the ridiculous experiences I’ve had over the years with the hope that someone might at the least find it entertaining and potentially at best use it as a cautionary tale.
I turned 30 years old in early October. I may have just truly embarked on what many consider “life”, but what was once considered the “ideal age” (I swear I read that somewhere, possibly in ‘Cosmo’, like 10 years ago), seems to be, at least for many in my life, an extremely trying time full of uncertainty and lacking the security that we envisioned growing up. After all, 30 once sounded very grown up to me.
So a recent and surging sense of anxiety and stress came exactly a month ago. After a night out with a girlfriend I made the horrible and uncharacteristic decision to get in the car and drive home, albeit less than a mile away and a straight shot. I didn’t make it 30 seconds before I saw a police car and felt immediate regret and anxiety at my decision to drive home that night. I pulled into a Mobile gas station to get out of the car and grab a bottle of water, planning to walk home the rest of the way. Unfortunately, the police officer I’d spotted decided to follow me there. He approached me and said that, upon pulling onto the main road, nearly hit a man driving his truck and “could have killed him”. What came after was an experience in which I truly felt I exited my body. He began a field sobriety test, determined that I was impaired, cuffed me and read me my rights.
I sat in the back of the police cruister in utter shock and awe that a fun night out turned into this. A month later, I have barely scratched the surface of the challenges I’m going to face in the coming months. On top of everything, the stress of the arrest and impending loss of license (in New Hampshire where I currently live, you have a 30 day period before your driving privileges are revoked) were a catalyst in the loss of my job a little over two weeks ago. Granted, it was all wrong for me. I was working in sales and the mere thought of prospecting to stranger raised my blood pressure to alarming levels, so maybe it was for the best… But it got me thinking, how many punches can I take? Until you take into account that everyone is going through something and at all corners of the globe there is suffering far beyond this current set of inconveniences I’ve created on my own…
So today marks 30 days past my arrest and day 1 of no license. I have an attorney working on my case and the best I can hope for is that I’m offered a fair shot at redemption; all the while understanding that I deserve to be punished for the irresponsible and inexcusable decision I made that night.
Whew… so that’s a lot more heavy than I intended but at least it’s out there There is a lot of stigma around DUIs and those that have incurred them. I want to carry my experience with as much dignity and accountability as I can muster and encourage anyone reading this who might be going through a similar situation to do the same. It’s easy to get wrapped up on the shitty reality of a situation but ultimately, what is life if not to teach us lessons? Some are just a lot tougher to swallow.
Thankfully, I’ve experienced a lot of good in the past few weeks as well. I’ve learned what I DO have in my life: an amazing family that will be there for me through anything life throws at me, a small but few group of core friends that I know will be there for me too and an amazing guy that I met at the beginning of all of this just when I thought that no one would want to be with someone in my situation.
That’s all I’ve got for now… I’m now realizing this is basically a journal entry… that I’m throwing into the world… but I want to be as open as possible in hopes that maybe even one person will be able to relate…